Season 3 EP11: Rebuilding Life After Loss with Beth Stowell Reed

I didn’t expect to laugh this much in a conversation about grief. But that’s Beth. And somewhere between the humor and the heartbreak… she said something I haven’t been able to shake.

 In this episode, I sit down with Beth Stowell Reed — a woman whose life has been reshaped by loss, resilience, and the quiet courage to begin again.

After losing her husband just months after his diagnosis, Beth had to rebuild a life she never planned for. Not in theory. In real time.

What struck me most wasn’t just her story…
 It was how she tells it: with humor, honesty, and a grounded self-trust that only comes from walking through something you can’t prepare for.

We talk about grief, identity, rebuilding, and the unexpected power of choosing yourself — even when everything feels uncertain.

This conversation is about what happens when life doesn’t go the way you planned… and who you become anyway.

 00:00 Welcome & Beth’s story begins
 01:30 Moving back home & starting over
 06:20 The diagnosis that changed everything
 08:30 Losing her husband & navigating grief
 15:40 Rebuilding life from the ground up
 19:00 Finding purpose & returning to work
 22:00 Writing, healing, and finding her voice
 24:00 Humor as a survival tool
 25:50 Letting go of perfection
 27:00 Boundaries, identity, and self-trust
 28:30 Final reflections: grace and patience

 If this conversation hit something in you… don’t ignore it.

Book a strategy call: https://calendly.com/jennifer-flashlightthinking/strategy-call
Follow & subscribe: https://linktr.ee/unmuteyourselfpodcast

What part of your life are you being asked to rebuild right now… and what would it look like to trust yourself through it?

Contact Our Guest – Beth Stowell Reed:
Email: bsreed4@gmail.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beth-stowell-reed/

Connect with Jennifer:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifercartersocialimpact/
Instagram: @unmuteyourself
Website: https://flashlightthinking.com

 Music: “Your Way” by Mark July
 Licensed by Uppbeat
 License code: KKHUU4BLYO3R5SKJ
 https://uppbeat.io/t/mark-july/your-way

 #UnmuteYourself #GriefAndGrowth #LifeAfterLoss #SelfTrust #WomenInLeadership #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #Authenticity

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome back to Unmute Yourself. I'm your host, Jennifer Carter, and this podcast is about lifting the curtain on leadership, purpose, and the real stories behind women who dared to do things differently. We'll talk about how they found their path, the struggles along the way, and how they built something that truly matters. And these are normal people doing extraordinary things because I want you to know you are extraordinary too. My guest today is Beth Stoll Reed, a woman with a sharp mind, dark, twisty sense of humor, and a life story that's equal parts heartbreaking, honest, and super funny. And she lives in a small cottage in Wisconsin on a beautiful piece of land by the river where she reads books, loves her local library, and is figuring out what comes next. Her career has included corporate leadership, leaving and returning, reinvention, and the kind of life experiences that change you at the cellular level. After losing her first husband to cancer just months after his diagnosis, Beth had to navigate grief, identity, and the impossible task of rebuilding a life she never expected to have to rebuild. So, Beth, I'm glad you're here. I'm excited to be here. Thank you. I love it. And and remind me, so you live in like a super small town, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:31

It's like 10,000 people. And we're about like 30 miles from Milwaukee, so not too far from 60 miles from Chicago. So not too bad. But it's a town, it's not a suburb. So it's my hometown.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

I love that. I love that. How does it feel to move back to your hometown? Strange.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yeah. To figure out how to be an adult in your hometown. And a lot has changed. I think for the better. Like there, there's a lot of new things here. I think it's a little cooler than when I lived here, but every small town is trying to be the cute small town. I but I'm still in the process of like finding friends, right? Or I have my family and I'm grateful and I'm very they're very rooted here. And my parents own small businesses and they have for decades. They both were born here. I have aunts and uncles here. But sometimes you just need someone you're not related to to talk to.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Or that like will see you and be like, I changed your diapers, or I would have to do it. Which I do to my nieces and nephews now. It's terrible. It's awful. And you but you didn't like grow up and stay there. You moved back. So, like, how did you end up back in your in your hometown?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

I didn't ever go far. I went to Milwaukee or I lived in Chicago for a couple years because I thought it'd be fun to like have different license plates on your car than the state you were born in because you need a little adventure. Um I and I met a boy and he lived there, so I went there. Anyways, then I brought him back. Uh I we so my new husband, my second husband, we moved back during the pandemic. Like so many of us were trying to make a go, like it was just crazy times, right? So it's also interesting to be in that decision now that we're post the pandemic, and you're like it's it's it was also strange to come back to a town you're trying to get to know to, and a lot of things are closed, or there's places I wish I could take him. Um, because he was new to town. And so, but yeah, we did it. We thought it would be it was the best solution to be able to be around people that might have needed caring for, might have needed some help, or and and for us too, we're like it's it's great to be around family.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Yeah, that's nice. And I know you love your library. Tell us about like I'm I'm serious. Like a library is so important. Tell us about your experience with the local library.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

I and how it's meant to you. I remember signing up for my card and my husband and I went, and I feel like it was pretty soon after. And I picked out two books off of the shelf. I was so excited. It was like, and I'm a very frugal person, probably to a fault sometimes. I'm an actuary by background, we're very practical. I shouldn't generalize for everyone, but I am. And so I'm like, I can get like free books, and I hate stuff. I can give the books back. I don't need stuff. And I got a small cottage, like I don't have room for books, so it's like ideal all around. I always say like it costs money to leave the house. Not if you go to the library.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Not if you go to the library. What's what's your favorite book that you've read recently?

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Gosh, probably because I read a lot of fiction and I'm not looking to like to find the most uh in a like thought-provoking book and serious book. Like I read some like of that, but I'm I'm all about fiction. I really liked The Borrowed Life of Frederick Fife. I don't know that. I post my books on Instagram. I say it's and it's still under my name. My sister pointed out to me one time, she goes, Your name is literally Reed, and you live on the river, so read by the river. Although it's still under my name. I I this book is it's about a man who's and he's like in his 70s, maybe early 80s. His wife has died. That was his person. He's he had to lose his home because they spent so much money on treatments. He has nowhere to live, and it's like the first day is like, I don't know where I'm gonna sleep tonight. And he unexpectedly like comes across this outing of a I don't think call it a nursing home or assisted like senior home. And there is a man that unfortunately passed away, but is sitting in his wheelchair, like this outing, like no one's figured out this this man just passed away in his wheelchair and he looks like this guy. And so this is a whole calamity of events, but somehow the guy ends up, um, the guy ends up assuming the identity inadvertently of the man that passed away. And they assume it's this man and they take him back to the home and no one believes him. And but he, it's just this lovely story about like life in this senior home, how he like meets people, the the workers there and the fellow residents, and just it's and then it gets into like this man's daughter, and I don't know. It was just like the sweetest story. And I read for an escape. I'm not looking to like be upset. I'll read thrillers, but not a lot. Like this is just like it's like lonely people finding family. I feel like those are a lot of the books I like. Like when like when there's found family, people that were missing it and find it again.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Okay, girl, that's too close to parallel. So tell us, tell us your story of I know in your 20s, right? You lost your first husband. I was 35, he was 40.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Okay. So he we were married about 11 years. He was my favorite person at the time. And yeah, we were pretty, like two, you know, like two people, no kids. We had a dog. At the time, I like had decided to stay, like, quit and stay home. Like, I just needed to like I wasn't doing great. My husband was super supportive of like you just get yourself well. He loved his job. We had made decisions that allowed me to stay home, and I'm fortunate for that. I'm grateful for that. Like I said, we're very frugal. And he was an actuary too. And so I stayed home. Like when you say, like, I yeah, I just kind of I don't do things. I leave and come back. Uh grateful for, like I said, it got me in a good place in about a few years in of staying home to raise our dog. I say, I was like, I gotta do something. I don't know what I'm doing with myself. Like, I I've I've baked the cake, I've done the things that I said I was gonna do. I walked the dog three times a day. And my husband called one day from work and he said in the he goes, I get dizzy in the afternoons. And it was just very unsettling because there was he didn't have anything wrong with like this guy didn't, like a lot of men, like didn't have a doctor. Right. Didn't like willingly go to doctor's appointments if need be. He was 40 years old, he worked out six days a week, was a big weightlifter. And so it just it like I said, it was unsettling. And I remember standing in the kitchen of the home that we had. And then it was about two, two and a half months of trying to figure out what was going on with him and chasing different things. I'd call my sister and I'd say, Do you have a physical therapist? Do you have an eye doctor? Do you like because we didn't we didn't have we didn't have all these? And so we like I said, we were chasing around. We also didn't realize at the time his back was hurting and uh he thought he hurried a disc from lifting weights, and so all of a sudden it all became clear it was all connected, and it's never good when your back is already hurting. Right. Uh he was diagnosed, uh it was 2012, so it's about it'll be 14 years this year, but he was diagnosed and passed away within about three and a half months. He was diagnosed the last week of first week of August and he died the week of Thanksgiving. But it's like I'm grateful that I wasn't working. I'm grateful that I was in a good spot to be able to handle as much as you can handle this, and to like just I have no regrets with him, which I always I kind of thought like I can I can do what I can do for him now, but I can't get this time back, and then I'll deal with myself after. And it was three months really, like it wasn't like I was gonna have to sustain this for years, and so I just knew it wouldn't be long. So I'm I'm grateful, like I said, also to be there to see it, to understand, to process some of this. Yeah. But he had he he had a good life. It was just shorter than we thought.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

What did it teach you about who you are when all your plans fall apart?

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Uh I think I just keep going. I think humans in general are pretty resilient. Like at some point you're like, well, I gotta get up and the dog's gotta be walked in your if you had kids, you'd have the kids would have things they need. I think that I will I will look for ways to find some humor. I think humor gets you through an awful lot. And I but I think it also gave me some like a lot of swagger. Like, ooh, I did that. Like I handled it. I like I walked him home. What greater job is there than to walk someone home?

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Wow. And how did you how did you move on after that? Like, so what happened next?

SPEAKER_01 9:58

I went home. We were pretty much in a hospital or hospice, like an inpatient hospice home. And I just wanted to go home. But I knew the only way to go home was for him to die. But at some point, like it's a lot for anyone that spent weeks at a time in a hospital. We were home a couple times in that span, like for a week. So maybe two, three weeks total in that time. But I just went home. And you have the busyness of the funeral, and he was very he did the very traditional route, especially back then. I know now funerals have I'm a big fan of a funeral.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

So isn't that weird? Love a funeral.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

I don't love a funeral. I do love a funeral.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

I love a funeral.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

You love a funeral. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Like you're celebrating a life.

unknown 10:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Like, tell me about this person. Like, here's some stories. Right. It's it's great. Like you get to see people. I mean, we don't have I don't have a lot of weddings coming up anymore. And so sadly, this is how you see people, but I don't I'm yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

I love that you love a funeral. Yeah, there's something about fondly remembering somebody and all of their weirdness and their impact on you and the world, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

And it's like you set the date and you go, right? You're not looking at like, yeah, it's a challenge, it might be a weekday, but like there's no debating. It's like this is the day and time, and you say you have a funeral and there's like priorities fall into place.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Yeah. Do you know how you want your funeral one day? This is turning dark and twisty, but I feel like that's what I do.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

I take people down, like I love talking about death. I do. I just because we're all gonna die and we're all gonna have to deal with death. And it just is gonna make your life a little easier if you can get comfortable with it. I still get sad. Like, I like, but like it's just it takes some of the scariness out of it, you know. Yeah, right. Yeah. I have not thought about what I want my funeral to be. I do know that I would like to go to the hospice home where my husband was because it was lovely. Like, so I know that. And I don't even care if there's no one there with me, to be frank. Like, if my people have passed, if I've outlived people, because they are such a lovely team of people. So the dark side of me would say, I look forward to dying alone at Zilber.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Like, just leave me alone.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Just give me my peace and quiet. Maybe I can can someone read it. Maybe they could a volunteer could read to me, maybe. I'll put that. Yeah. That's what I know. I I haven't thought about my funeral. I do. Well, I feel like people should have now we had drinks and food at my husband's funeral, so you can have some beer and wine stuff. Okay, noted. Look at me. Noted. Yeah, we had it was kind of like his visitation was like a happy hour. Like we had high top tables. Okay. And that, but it's just there was a coffin at the end and it was open because this is awkward. Yeah. Like, well, this is awkward. It was at the far end. And if you wanted to go say hi to him, fine. Yeah. If you didn't, you don't need to. But he made it available because that's like he grew up very close with his grandma and she needed to see a Bonnie at a funeral. I love it. And so I thought I think he knew he said some people won't have been able to see me is what he said. So he said, leave it open. Okay, done.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Yeah. Yeah. What was it like for you? Like I can imagine being such a young widow, people coming up to you and saying, How are you doing? How are you doing? Only the good die young. Only the good die young. I'm like, well, am I not good? Am I not good? I guess I'm gonna live forever.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

It's like, well, okay. Let's see. You're young. You can remarry. I remember one very lovely couple, and I I'm not, I don't pray. I'm not like I believe in a higher power, and I like I will take bits and bobs from all sorts of religions and what I read. But like I just remember this couple, and I and they were, I know they went to church and they met at their church and they said, We're praying for you. And I'm like, You are? And it felt so nice because I didn't really realize like I was just trying to make it through, right? Like I was like, I had the funeral, like a funeral keeps you busy, and then like you like the day after is a whole nother story. But it was like so comforting that like I felt like they cared about me because we had spent three months like really caring on Brad, and people cared for me too, but like it was just it was lovely. Um, and there was there was one like one guy that I think I like I was pretty with it and I was functioning, and so I think he thought it was just a normal day at our cubicles, and he's like, So is everything else good? And I'm like, I don't really have anything else right now, you know. But yeah but I it's just awkward and you don't know what to say, and so and I wouldn't have either, and but now you know a little better.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, so you just show up and be yourself and think of that person, and there's no right thing to say. No.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

To say I'm sorry. I know how much they meant to you.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Yeah. Well, okay, so you just said you didn't how's everything else going right now? Well, I don't have anything else right now. Like, how do you go about rebuilding your life?

SPEAKER_01 14:38

I I often say the first year was like I just went to where I was invited. Like if people invited me to their house for dinner, I brought a six-pack of better beer and and ate what they ate and sat with their kids and their dog, and sometimes my dog could come. So I did have our dog, so I had to get up, right? I remember Brett died on a Monday morning at about 10 to 8 at the hospice home. And then whoever had my dog at the time, because lovely friends and family were housing her, they would she went and got her and I walked my dog at noon. Like, cause she had to be walked. And a friend was coming to my house and she rolled up to me on the street and she goes, Do you want someone to walk with you? And I said no. And she goes, Okay. So I appreciate there were people that respected, like, nope, I'll see you at the house. Like, house is open, there are people there. So the first year I just kind of went, I uh it was you're kind of in the grief fog. Um, like I said, I hadn't been home. I was tired. I went to where I was invited, kind of wandered. The second year was hard. Um like really hard. Probably harder than this the first year. And I I've heard that before, and I think I just uh right because it was setting in, you were deciding like, am I gonna keep the house? What am I gonna do? I got these cars and I had like three flat tires and I was sick of taking care of two cars, but they each had a different purpose. One was good in the snow and one wasn't. Yeah. Um, so the second year I just went like I sold the house because I didn't think my new life would be there. Uh in fact, when we were talking about and I asked Brett if he wanted to go back to Nebraska where he was from, and he said, No, I want to be where you will be. I said, Well, then I won't commit to where our house is. Like he's back in our in my hometown because I didn't want to feel like I could never leave that house in that city. Right. So I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful he's out here with now many of my favorite family members. They're all having a great celebration, I'm sure. Great celebration. And so I sold the house and I did my estate planning. That's my plug. Like, look at your documents, get some things set up. There were some things we were able to do, and there were some things like was too late to do. So it just makes can make your family's life easier. Check the deed on your house because ours was wrong, ended up in probate court. And it worked out fine, but it was more drama than I cared for, like a week before closing. I sold the cars, bought one car, and moved to an apartment. And then I kind of got there and I'm like, well now what? Like, because you could keep busy and it was and it was a lot of we didn't have a lot of stuff, I thought, but to clean out a house and a three-bedroom house and a garage and a basement. And my mom would come on Fridays and we'd take trips and we'd get rid of stuff and we'd go to the dump and we'd donate books to the library and DVDs because we all had DVDs. And and then I like I called my sister one day at work and I said, I don't know a way out of this. And she said, I don't know either. And I said, Well, shoot, because she always knows, she always tells us what to do.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Yeah. It's like, well, if you don't know. And then I realized I had to figure it out for myself. And there's a lot of power in that. Like it's hard, but there's a lot of power because you you and only I got very protective of myself. My apartment was my safe place. I decluttered some people from my life if I didn't think they were good for me. And that sounds selfish, and but I now if someone declutters me, I get it. And then I thought about going back to work, because right, that gives you such structure. And I I knew I needed to. And but then our dog got sick, very similar to how Brett did. So I see he took her back.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

And then we all stuck together. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

Yep. Yep. And so I think he took her back. I think like that was him saying, Go out and get your job, baby, and get a life. And so then I stayed home with her. She had a few, it was very like she had about a few months, she had a different kind of cancer and had a few months, and then I put her down, and then I started meeting with people to see what I want to do for work again. And then from there, I think work colour. I found I went back to the company I was at. But working with small business owners, I really just wanted to work with small business owners. I realize now it's because I grew up in small businesses. I don't know if I had realized that or it dawned on me. And so I think I just I didn't want to do the actual thing. I will always think analytically and critically, it's just how I think. But I right, you get a lot of experiences through life and through helping someone die, for lack of a better word, right? Like it's hard to die with no one around. So and I just I had a lot of experiences growing up in small businesses and working for my grandparents and seeing my parents and my sister and what they do. And now my husband, new husband, owns a business in town. And so yeah, something in in me just said I wanted to work with them. Now I would and I I did, and I ended up going back and working and consulting to our sales force and did that for about 10 years. But I think I'm grateful I was able to bring to it my experiences and my ability to connect with people. Like, I don't know that you it helps to have some life under your belt to really connect with people.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Yeah, you I mean, we've only met one time previously. And you're so funny. Like I left thinking, like, this woman is a comedian. And I know you're a writer. And you said, you said, I can write random things and people seem to like it. What happened? Like, how did that happen?

SPEAKER_01 19:53

I I started right. So when when Brett got sick, my husband, uh, my friend who was the very wise, I almost feel like she was our project manager. Uh, she was very wise and set up a caring bridge site because as as I say, like you get very popular when you're young and you're sick. Like people care and they're interested, and it's hard to keep everybody updated and it beyond like your immediate family. So my friend set up a caring bridge site and put out an entry and said, What was going on with Brett? And then she sent me like the link and the access. And we did not have smartphones, like we were very resistant. Like we barely had Wi-Fi, but I had my laptop. And at some point, like it was the first night he spent in the hospital. I wrote my first post on Caring Bridge. And I didn't, and I ended up posting most every day, pretty much till closer to the end. And people commented. It was a place like where people could feel like they could do something because people feel helpless and they just want to fix it and you couldn't fix it. And so they just engaged, and it was like I could read the comments to Brett. We were playing like movie trivia, like what movie is this from? We were doing like what's in your Amazon cart. We were doing your favorite candy bar. Like just it was like this, right? And someone got uh um someone got the Nebraska football coach and athletic director to comment on Brett's site. Like it was just a way to like, because there was no bucket list for him. We couldn't take him anywhere. We could there was no last vacation, there was no restaurant. Not that that would have been like the end all, but this was a way to like bring the outside world to him. And so I wrote and like kept it going. And I told stories about us or other people because you didn't need to share all the gory details of the medical updates. Like that, you gotta save his dignity, like help preserve his dignity too. So I just really that's and I found that I liked writing when I took a job in human resources and was working on benefits, and we're making a bunch of changes to the benefits, like happens all the time now. And I I wrote the initial draft of stuff because I knew the most about it. And it was just really kind of fun. So it wasn't fiction, but it was just nice to write. It was it wasn't a spreadsheet, it wasn't numbers and formulas, and it was like there was more like creativity. activity even though it wasn't it was writing about health plans, right? So that's and then I think when I left that job, I was like, well, I I would like to write a book. And I never wrote the book. And and then I thought, well, maybe I'll do a blog. Because every like that was in the times of blogs. My blog turned in, because that was probably, I don't know, a couple months later and there was carrying bridge.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

So I wrote that.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

I think that's, but it was easy because I was writing about ourselves, like the story, like how we met or some vacation we took.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Are you writing right now?

SPEAKER_01 22:27

I do write um quite a bit on LinkedIn. They're they're short. They're posts they're three to four to five days a week. I did a hundred days of posts, like a hundred weekdays. I knew I didn't want to post on the weekends. But that was fun. Like I I lost my job last summer. And it was fun to have that uh because you kind of need some way to feel productive to write like it's you need something. And so it gave me structure. Like I like structures. I like systems. I call them routines and my friends like they're systems. I'm like that sounds so fancy because routines people are like you're stuck in your routine. So now stuck in your ways. I'm calling them systems. So it like it got it got me up. It gave me like every day I had to come up with a post and I committed and if I I didn't want to not do it because I put it out there and it gave you like every day then I was looking for something in my day to post about for the next morning. So it keeps you like present. It would be like I found this perfect acorn or it'd be like look at this what was on this dove chocolate wrapper. It didn't need to be anything big and then you could throw in a little quip and a story and I try to keep it short because there's so much to like content and so much to read and right. So yeah I just try to keep it short and throw in humor or a story if I can and I really just appreciate the community there.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Like they're it's such a fun group of people I found they're creative they see possibilities they're positive you know because we have enough yeah enough stuff happens but what I what I learned from you um in our first meeting is that humor lets you talk about things that you maybe otherwise couldn't and it just makes it more relatable and makes it less scary and makes it less uncomfortable. Like so how how are you how do you bring that into your everyday?

SPEAKER_01 24:10

Someone told me once I I'm matter of fact and I was like oh yeah you're probably right like maybe it's but I think I just if if appropriate right like I I like to bring levity to a situation. So if it seems like it's okay to bring up and people need like you need to cut the tension like I guess I like to find something funny. I will I like to reframe like okay that sucks that this got canceled but on the bright side the easy one right on the bright side I have free time or my night cleared up and so it's it's just that like flipping it. And a lot of times you can find humor in that and I just it life life can get really hard. And if if I can laugh at myself then I know I'm doing good like because like that I'm not too serious and I'm not bogged down in the in the muck.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

And after after everything you've been through lived through have done what do you feel no longer obligated to explain?

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Who I'm spending holidays with my gosh how many like fights have there been about where to spend a holiday oh my gosh the stress of the holiday travel. Yes like sleep in your own damn bed on a holiday it's nothing better. Oh my gosh I'm having a flashbacks to my childhood uh-huh over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go yes here we go yeah there's a schedule oh my gosh okay so um we're gonna do a quick lightning round okay oh that's kind of fun I'm excited okay what part of yourself are you finally letting the world see I would say my opinions but not all like I'm not gonna get into politics but like just what I think and what I expect.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

I like that what story or belief about yourself did you have to unlearn to step fully into who you are that I had to be perfect. What does it cost you to be authentic if anything and why is it worth it?

SPEAKER_01 26:02

It costs some people and I think that you cannot be for everyone like you would be exhausted. It's I I'm not for everyone and that's okay and they're not for me and that's fine because how could you possibly like you would be twisted and contorted in so way that you wouldn't even be recognizable to yourself or the people that love you.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Right. You're a robot um what boundary have you set that protects your sense of self?

SPEAKER_01 26:27

My sense of self I was gonna say I set boundaries on like when I would do things but that's that's which I is a step right like when you're like I can only do it on these days because that's really hard for most of us. My sense of boundary to protect myself I would say I I think it's almost like a I love myself which sounds really like I'm very comfortable with myself. I love myself and so I don't know if that's about like so if someone doesn't like me I kind of can let it roll off because I worked really hard for this.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Very powerful okay if you could unmute one truth people are too afraid to say what would it be? Oh gosh the that their their families are not perfect. Holym Right let's have a photo shoot and send the perfect card for the holidays because we're all so perfect. We're not perfect.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

It's a freaking hot mess sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Hot mess express. Yeah yeah just giving me an idea okay um what keeps you grounded when you feel pressure to perform or fit in I don't want to like I'm not I'm not very good at playing a game or I'm wearing a hoodie.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I won't color my hair I don't care if you color hair that's great. But like I I just won't I won't I don't think I would like it.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

You only do what you want to do.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

I kind of do yeah I like that too yeah it makes me sound really stubborn yeah I think I just I'm kind of like it's not stubborn. You just know who you are I have a sister that likes to pick on her clothes and I've I'm like why are you picking on our clothes and she's like just stop it. Picking on your clothes she does it to all of us like I got it I got wearing too many black coated sweatshirts or too many too many leggings or I don't know but I that's what you want to wear.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

You're in your cottage yeah doing your thing I got my hoodie I don't even wear that many hoodies it's just your hoodie you just like it.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

So well thank you so much for this convo this you're a like a delightful host like thank you thank you this was so easy I just like to have fun right yeah just hanging out so Beth if listeners could walk away remembering just one thing what do you hope it is well I often say this or it you might get in a card from me if you've had someone in your life die and then they're probably like oh shoot she's sending the card so someone died. Uh but I would say like oh gosh here she comes with the card I would say be kind to yourself be patient with yourself and give yourself grace.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Thank you so much. And on a more personal note what is it meant for you to share your story today?

SPEAKER_01 29:00

So I I am so thankful and grateful and because I I have appreciated so many people sharing their stories and I think I learned so much and I think that helped me so much uh after my husband died and it helped me figure out like how to how I wanted to be how I could like try to the chaos that can be in our minds. And so if I can be of any help to pay that back or pay it forward I would love to and so thank you for giving me a venue to do that.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

That's wonderful. And and how can listeners find you?

SPEAKER_01 29:34

I am on LinkedIn uh and so happy to connect with anyone and or send me a DM or if anyone wants to chat like I've got quite a bit of time. I I don't have any text so if you've got a Zoom link that's great. And I'm on Instagram and Facebook I post my books but I don't write much there I just post about books to read. So if you need any book ideas like let me know.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

Always all wonderful well thank you again Beth for sharing your story. You've been a delight and if this episode resonated please share subscribe and stay with us as we explore what it really means to live and lead without muting who we are until next time unmute yourself and be who you already are